amateur lifer

a quarter til 2 barely making the day his own
50 cents in his pocket to help pay for his college loans
75 percent of him wants to quit and go home
100 more days of this and his brains might get blown
A single dollar and a couple cigarettes to his name he plays the constant jester’s game with the chances of fortune and fame
beyond exhausted you could fill the universe into his eye bags

he’s an amateur at everything he does
from counting the reasons why he hates himself to snorting drugs
who is the amateur lifer?
an art goon who will have you at the end of his knife
if you ever dare disturb him during sleeping time
but he seems to always wake up late
he’ll be late to his own burial
always changing his mind
the neutrons in his mind are but variables
sometimes he enjoys the sunshine
but sometimes he duct tapes down the blinds

he pushes anyone whose ever cared for him
for fear of being a burden and that isn’t fair for them

he can’t deal with himself
how has he lived for so long?
for the fear of selfishness and permanence
he’d never want to put anyone in that position
so there on, he goes living life as an amateur lifer, artist and musician.

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