I am stuck on repeat and the button is broken.

swimming in a perennial loop of painful averageness
every second feels as if it was replaced with the past
or future
and present time feels like i’m not present at all
life is god’s greatest present but i could’ve sworn i asked for coal

the wind sings the same words into my ear
it was pleasant at first but now i just want it all to disappear
but too bad wind was never something i could see
i wonder if the houses i pass every day are just as tired of seeing me

if footprints could be imprinted into these concrete mix sidewalks
the archaeologists would assume i dragged myself instead of walking
or maybe they’d assume i was despondent

maybe this button is broken and in need of repair
maybe my outlook is broken and in need of less despair
maybe it’s not me at all and maybe it’s the air
everybody’s faces have melded into each other

reliving the volume and density of each and everyday
distancing myself so their accuracy has nothing it could ever say
complacency is addictive to some
but uniformity is insanity to me

i’m not anything dazzling
far from
dulled out from over usage
as a prop in someone else’s play

maybe i’m just living in someone else’s existence
the good times are bitter
easily forgotten
replaced with the bold taste of reality

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